5 Things I Swore I’d Never Do (Until I Had Kids)

Ah, the sweet, unsuspecting days before I had kids. I was so sure I’d be the kind of parent who had it all together, sticking to my carefully thought-out standards. Spoiler alert: Kids don’t care about your plans. Here’s a list of the top five things I swore I’d never do as a parent… until my kids turned those promises upside down. Gotta love all these parenting realizations!

1. Bribe My Kids with Snacks

Before I had kids, I was convinced that bribing was just lazy parenting. “I’ll just set boundaries,” I thought, “and they’ll respect them.” Flash forward to me, practically throwing McDonalds at them like a zookeeper at feeding time. I'm sorry.. but “bribery” is just fancy parenting code for “creative persuasion.”

2. Let Screen Time Do the Babysitting

I had visions of myself reading to my kids in a cozy nook, building towers, and having deep conversations about life’s mysteries, all with absolutely no screen time. Hilarious, right? Enter my actual kids, who seem to come alive at 6 a.m. like tiny, over-caffeinated puppies. And there I am, groggily hitting “Play” on Bluey while I fall back to sleep. Or saying "here, just take my phone!" after listening to them fight for the last hour while we are stuck on the highway!

3. Say Ridiculous Things Like, “Stop Licking That”

No one warned me that being a parent meant saying things that should never have to be said. “Please don’t lick the grocery cart.” “No, we don’t eat rocks.” “Why is your sock in the toilet?” "Please don't like the dogs face!" These are things I say daily, despite the fact that I never in my life imagined I’d have to. Kids have a gift for putting everything in their mouths. And yet, they ask me why they are always sick. Figure that one out!

4. Let the House Get Messy

"I’ll teach my kids to clean up after themselves!” Haahhaah! Flash forward to reality, and five minutes in, the house looks like a toy bomb detonated in every room, and there’s a solid layer of crumbs that I now affectionately refer to as “carpet seasoning.” I mean, at this point, I could probably plant a small garden in the couch cushions alone with the amount of snack residue I’ve found. Listen, my kids do clean up, and they do help around the house. But the reality of life is that all humans makes mess and dirt. When you have 3 adult size children, plus you and you spouse, plus all the animals, it's just impossible to keep your house spotless around the clock. And this was a HARD one for me to come to terms with!

5. Let Kids Sleep in Your Bed

"My bed is mine… no kids allowed.” That’s what I used to think. Then along comes my 8 year-old at 2am, standing by the bed bawling her eyes out after a nightmare. So, now I have two choices:

1. Let her climb in so we both can get some actual sleep.

2. Try to calm her down and negotiate for the next hour while I silently pray for mercy.

OBVIOUSLY, she’s in the bed five seconds later, and there I am, clinging to the edge of the mattress like it’s a life raft, while she sprawls out in the middle like a tiny, snoring queen. So much for “boundaries,” right?

Listen... parenting is hard! There is no "perfect" way to parent. If your children are loved, healthy and safe, you're WINNING as a parent! Do what feels right!

Krista xo